Friday, June 24, 2005

Inner monologue...
...is something covered in detail in the TV show Scrubs (which I love). My inner monologue told me to bother writing this pointless post. I was watching Scrubs a few moments ago and finding it hilarious as usual, and then I remembered that the last two times I've watched it with other people present I haven't laughed at all. So my inner monologue asks, "are things funnier when you are alone, and if so why is that"?

Another inner monologue I was contemplating on the way down the A1 today is that I'd like to publish my own driving manual to rival the highway code. My tips on how to behave on the road but especially the motorway. I take the same attitude to driving as the current Prime Minister does to his term in No. 10. I'll do what I know is best for everyone even though I know it's probably pissing you off right now, i.e. you may be flashing your lights at me and trying to run me off the road but I'm doing this for your own benefit. I don't think people analyse their own driving enough and obviously they don't analyse other drivers at all. The AA or the RAC (I forget) recently published a list of top ten driving gripes but I'd like to publish my own for the record.

1 - on a 3 lane road it doesn't make sense to always pull in when you overtake someone as you will then have to brake to adjust to the lane speed, thus causing the car behind to brake and hence a domino effect of braking. This causes sharp braking a mile down the road for no apparant reason.

2 - relating back to point 1. You also shouldn't be intimidated by someone up your arse if you are at a comfortable speed in the fast lane and it would seriously inconvenience you and the occupiers of the middle lane to pull in.

3 - if a lorry driver is indicating to pull out but you don't want to let him in as braking will cause a great inconvience to you and the snake of traffic behind you, stay strong and make him wait. Lorry drivers take advantage of car driver's charity and the intimidation factor of the big rig. I've found most of the time they are just testing the water with the indicator and will not pull out until the gap is there for real. This is especially true if there is a hill coming up and it will take the lorry about 2 miles to overtake the other lorry.

4 - don't be afraid to undertake if some old codger is doing 55 in the outside lane and it is safe to do so. There is a taboo againt undertaking but what ever keeps the traffic flowing is the safest in my opinion. Why get wound up and scare the living daylights out of some old fella when you can easily cruise past on the left hand side?

5 - keep an eye out for those that think they are the bastions of the high way code (except the speed limit bit). Some drivers really take the pulling in and out of lane thing to heart, except they do it at 50% above the speed limit. This is dangerous for us as lane changing means decision making for everyone around, and the more decision making there is, the more mistakes are likely to happen. If you see someone coming up fast but aren't sure if they will clear you before you want to pull out then just pull out yourself and make them wait. Besides, they are probably doing 95mph so slowing 'em down to 75 or 80 for a couple of secs is no big deal.

6 - on dual carriageways - when approaching a roundabout in heavy traffic it is nearly always quicker to stay in the right hand lane to go straight as it takes HGVs a long time to build up speed after slowing down for roundabouts.

7 - never pull into the slow lane when you are approaching a slip road entry even if someone is right up your arse as you are likely to encounter people merging onto the road. This could severely compromise your progress and perhaps the entry of the vehicle on the slip road just so some rep can get to his hotel 5 mins quicker.

8 - if there is no one around, take the racing line across roundabouts. Saves you changing down a gear or two and thus saves fuel - an environmentally good option!

9 - if someone wrongs you on the road - don't get mad. It'll just ruin your journey and stress you out for the rest of the day. Chances are they'll crash sooner or later or some mad man will see the red mist and take em for a proper bout of road rage.

10 - try and drive as smoothly as you can as aggressive accelerating always leads to aggressive braking, which causes delays for everyone (the aforementioned domino affect).

My suggested changes to the highway code or road traffic management are as follows -


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